What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared
to what lies within Us
It’s early this morning and I am one of the few up yet. My niece just five and half years is curled up in bed with her mom. This deep all enveloping bond between a parent and a child is one of the most heart-warming almost tear tugging moments mom’s and dad’s talk about. Tears do well up in my eyes. My sister and I chuckle later though as this is the same child who all too frequently causes my sister too lose her cool. As my sister says jokingly: “Thank goodness she is so sweet and adorable!”
Yesterday I went with my dear 7 year old nephew to the art gallery. He spent over an hour in the gallery absorbed with the works of Daphne Odjig – an Aboriginal artist from Manitoulin Island. Outside and in public this nephew is quiet and observant. Not the same lovely chatty little boy I am used too at home. Or the one that periodically sets off a roar of opposition to his younger sister’s activities or doesn't like to lose a game. As I write there is an altercation at the front door as their friend prepares to leave. This friend is a dear dear friend they have known for three years. This is the kind of friend that you can actually have a verbal blow with and recover on your feet. Before I arrive the two kids seem to have somehow found their way out of this argument and there is once more laughter.
I see this weird comfort too in my interactions between my sister and myself. We can express rather loud and sometimes inappropriate emotions of anger and frustration one minute only to recover minutes later and be jointly cleaning the house for another batch of friends arriving for dinner. What is this bond of affection and deep love that allows room for such altercations and blow outs? When they get into these roaring fights, sometimes the kids seem to find a way to work it all out to everyone’s satisfaction. Too often, I find myself intervening and trying to get the children to sometimes talk to one another and hear each other person's points of views. Certainly from what I have seen this last week many parents are consciously trying to instill in their kids the ability to resolve conflict so that they are better equipped than our generation was to resolve conflict? I have been quite impressed.
But I also wonder what is broken in that bond between the loving parent and the child (what happened between that curled up coziness and now) that leads to some youth resolving conflict and defining who they “are” by the use of guns and weapons?
After a long walk with the dog one night (getting out of the way for a bit so to speak) I found myself through the grace of prayer realizing I needed to apply the same ‘benefit’ of the doubt to my sister’s opinions that I do with “friends.” “She is right and needs to be heard,” I found myself saying. That worked wonders in the following days. She even invited me to stay for New Year’s Eve even though I had stayed well passed the five day rule. What are your experiences of resolving conflict over this intense time of Christmas and New Year’s Celebrations? Were there any surprises and gifts that came unwrapped as a moment of grace? The more we practice the better we will hopefully become and instead of preparing for war and conflict might actually help give the next generation the tools of real peace -- like the child curled up in her mother's arms on a snowy Christmas morn.
